Imposter Syndrome vs. Confidence

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Royalty Room with Legal Queen LA. Or me, Miss Ashly Valenzuela. Today I came to set and I was going to beat my face and be super extra pretty. But then I realized what we're talking about today. Today we are talking about imposter syndrome. And the first thing that that meant to me is I don't need to be sitting here thinking I'm not pretty enough, I'm not good enough. I'm not X, Y and Z. So today we have a very wonderful, amazing guest named Dr. Deena C. Brown, here to talk to us about Imposter Syndrome. Hello. Hello. I'm so excited. To be honestly, like, if there was an episode that I've been waiting on, it is this one. You have been here since the start of my new venture with the Royalty Room and before I even started really working on myself as a human. So thank you for coming. Welcome to be here. And I'm going to push a pause because you've been working at yourself on yourself as a human. So I'm going to go ahead and course correct. Okay. Because, you know, that's how I do. I make shift happen. And so since I met you, from the moment that I met you and we connected, there was just an energy and something about you. And I said to see that. And even when we met up for that first brunch and we sat there and there was just such a connection, like, I've known the essence and the soul of you forever. And the beauty in that is what I want to keep speaking to. It's not about perfection. It's really about purpose. And that's what you have. And you've had it since the moment I met you. Okay, I'm back. So I'm sure that there are a bunch of people that are watching that have absolutely no idea what we're talking about. So I think that Imposter syndrome might mean something different to a lot of people. What is the definition? Great for you? Great question. So let me give you the standard clinical definition from the early s, where Clantonimes, who originally coined the term the imposter phenomenon. And that is the consistent, persistent inability of people to see and value that their own successes came from their skills and abilities, as if it was luck or it was somebody else. And so, again, consistent and persistent inability to value what you bring to the table in simplified terms, to do that. And so they're always wondering, if I got this promotion, I got this opportunity, why did they give it to me? And then the second part of that is that they're going to find out that they shouldn't have given it to me, or I'm not equipped to deal with this because I don't have the toolkit and the tools to stand it up, lead it, et cetera. And when they find out, they'll know that I'm an imposter. So it increases the anxiety levels often. And so that is that clinical, meaning it's become so used and to me overused, and I would call bastardized to the point. And when I started doing this work and this research, it stemmed from the fact that I was working with a couple of executive coaching clients. These are C suite women, chief operating officers, chief financial officers. And we'd have these conversations. They are literally leading multibillion dollar companies. And I'd have this conversation, I go, I just have impostor syndrome. And I was like, do you know what that means? It says that you believe you're incapable of leading, you're incapable of and they said, oh, no, I know who I am. Oh, they said it's they. I said, well, who is they? And they said, well, you know, they and I said, well, my mom used to say this growing up. And he came home and said, if I wear my hair like that, they're going to talk about it. She said, what's their name? You couldn't name them, but you had an inkling, you had a feeling, you had a subconscious context, that someone was going to judge you based on how you showed up for yourself. And so when I started doing this work, I said, we need to go a little bit deeper. What really is impostor syndrome? So the clinical is what I shared with you. My definition, I talk about this a lot in my book, is that impostor syndrome is a trigger trauma response because trauma is a psychic wound. It's in your subconscious space. When was the very first time you felt not enough or incapable? Were you three? Were you six? Were you five? Because that goes back to the back of your mind and your brain's always listening. I won't get too nerdy and all of that, but we think about our ID, our ego, and that back of here. That Amygdala, your Crypt Keeper. And so there is an unconscious space. And so what happens? It gets triggered when things become uncertain. When you get afraid, it's something new. And so then you start saying these things to yourself, because anything that comes from you and it says that you're not % perfect could never come from you. It could never you had to experience it somewhere else. But the question is, do you know where? And I think that when people are sharing, they have these imposter feelings. And I always say, well, where was the first time? Why do you feel that way? Well, because why? What is it about it now? If you didn't prepare, of course you didn't do what you're supposed to do. It's like you going to go take. The bar and you study, right? I'll be like an imposter. I shouldn't be a lawyer. Well, you shouldn't be a damn lawyer. You didn't study, right? And it's funny that you say that, because the first time that I had ever really, maybe not heard the term. But the first time it ever really was apparent to me was when I was in law school. And from literally day the the law school doctorate program, which didn't used to be a doctorate in the United States, it used to be just a bachelor's program, which then lends into why lawyers do not generally go by doctor, which I am. Address me accordingly. Thank you. I walked in, and I was just like, I can't be myself. I can't get my nails done. I can't talk this way. I can't walk this way. I can't dress this way. I have to like this kind of guy. I have to like this kind of thing. And it was just almost immediate upon walking onto that campus because the law school thing is not designed for us. Boom. Say it again. It was never okay, so now you understand why I keep saying when we think about the ingredients, the factors that go into the equation of these imposter narratives, we have to begin to add systemic issues. The fact if I don't see anyone that looks like me and all I've heard or what I've seen, whether it's through media, whether it's through reading books, whether it's through various opportunities that I wasn't invited to, does that is what I'm resonating. And then I always ask people I work with, is this an external trigger or internal? And how we approach it is different. So if it's internal, that means it's coming from a place, an experience that you may have had, you may not know where did you actually question that imposter? Did you have a conversation? So I'm thinking of a particular they in my head. And it was again, my first year of law school and second semester comes around. Dean's list stuff comes out. I'm in the top %, and this young man asks me on a date. And my friend, oh, it must be because he found out you're smart. Me? I need a reason to be asked out. That part not over here. But she did the same exact thing to another friend of ours when she got vice president or president of some organization. She's like, oh, it must be because of XYZ. No, ma'am, don't do that. But those microaggressions, right? Those nice, nasty, what we used to call them comments. Our brain's always listening. And so it creates little neuroworms, and we think, oh, it didn't affect us. However, then you get in a situation where you kind of don't know or you feel uncertain and you're wondering. Then that little echo chamber comes back, and so you're starting to question yourself and what has become people are saying, I have imposter syndrome. Why? Because that was a great explanation to explain what I'm feeling. I don't really know what this is that I'm feeling. Because we only think about trauma as those big t trauma things. Not that tiny piece. Whether someone didn't choose you in the third grade and you were the last one sitting on the side, not getting chosen for the kickball team, right? Or those feelings of abandonment. Not that your family had to leave you sitting on a porch of steps, but the fact that you couldn't go with your older brother and sister. Like there's so many different things that occur, but we don't assign understanding to it. And then later on we're going, I don't know why I feel this way, I don't know why I think this way, but have you ever questioned yourself? This is one question that I would challenge everyone listening to ask themselves, when did it become unsafe for me to trust me? Wow, that's good. When did it become unsafe for me to trust me? And we're often dealing with our own guilt. We're dealing with our own perspectives. And we're dealing with that internal bully because it's based on our experiences. And this is what I call the oxidation of life. And if you know what happens to silver once the air hits it, it's very polished, beautiful patina, and it was beautiful. Air hits it starts to oxidize, right? It starts to tarnish. And if you don't polish it, you're going to see the brown, you're going to see the dark spots. Does it lessen the value of the silver? It doesn't. Just the appearance. So when you think about yourself and the oxidation, soon as you come in, the programming, the experiences, those comments that you think that were harmless. But when you're sitting in your room at night and you're wondering why this guy didn't ask you out, then that echo chamber of what she carelessly said. And then think about this. What if you heard that over and over and over again? And it wasn't just her, it was your Auntie Luisa who used to say, well, who do you think you are? Right? Or no one's going to want a smart girl. You just got to be pretty. And the things that even people that love us are close to us. And then when you think about cultural dynamics, I mean, there's so many layers of what I'm saying, but people just go, I have imposter syndrome. But did you ask why? And where does it come from? Because here's what I'm going to tell you. Every last one of us are imposters. Every last one. Especially in Los Angeles. Yes, every last one of us. Why? Because we have been programmed since birth we've been programmed since birth to not tap into our authentic. Because if a baby cries, stop crying. I'm going to give you something to cry for. So what do I learn not to cry when I'm from hurt or I find I'm happy? I don't know about you, but I. Remember going to store my mom said, don't you look at nothing, don't you touch nothing. Money don't grow on trees and you better take what you get. So if you've always heard you better take what you can get. Then why don't women negotiate their salaries? Or why do entrepreneurs undervalue their services? So you don't think that it all ties into something? So we just think that you didn't just wake up like this. This is X amount of years. And the only way that you could derail that and to mitigate it, you cannot overcome imposter syndrome. Let me just tell you right now, stop buying the books. You cannot overcome it. You can learn to mitigate it. And it could be semantics if you want to call it overcoming it. But once you can identify it and now you equip yourself with, how do I navigate? And kind of spin out of that quickly. How do I speak to that, whatever that is, and move on, that's that mitigation. That comes up, because you don't know what's sitting in your subconscious. That's why I said you can't overcome it. You may get triggered five years from now, and you don't know where that trigger point comes from. That's why I keep telling people, they go, I am curative imposter syndrome. Okay, go with that. I love that for you. I love that with you. Well, how about you get clear about who you are? If you can get very clear about who you are, you can be very confident on how you show up and consistent on how you act. So when people say certain things to me and then I check in with me, it's like, no, that's not me. Am I perfect? No, but I know that is not me. And oftentimes we look externally for someone to tell us who we are, right? That's why I said we all are walking around, and I don't know about you, but I know me. In my lifetime, I tell people I've been code switching since birth. You have to. You have to. Boy said, you got to fake it till you make it. Remember, you hear did you ever hear that growing up? Oh, I hear it every day. You got to fake it till you make it. So if I have to fake it till I make it and the whole meaning of the word impostor is too fake. You see where I'm going? We have been programming ourselves, and so how do we clean up the narrative? Is what my work focuses on. Can you clean up the narrative? Can you tell us how? First, you want to go get that book called Confidence Unmasking the Impostor Within, and it really dives into the neuroscience and the thought patterns and the processes and the stories that we're telling ourselves. And how do we begin to really shift our narrative and create new neural pathways? And you have the power to do it, but the only way to do it is consciously. So you have to work and think about it and put pen to paper. Pen to paper is the best way to do it. And one is to confront a lot of the work that I do. I go and help organizations become more people centric and become more inclusive. And I said, there's a psychology behind that idea. Work. Right? The inclusive belonging work. And I said, I'm going to tell you an unspoken truth, is that how could I feel like I belong when I don't even know who I am? Whoa, whoa. Okay. You see what I mean? If I don't know who I am. How could I feel like I belong anywhere? Anywhere. And so it all has to start back with you. And that's the same with how do you get to that point? So when you think so if you're listening and I just want you to, I like, work. In my former life, I was a school principal and an educator. So I always love teaching is if you write down the word confidence, right? C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-C-E. Sitting smack in the middle of the word is the two letters ID your identity. And when someone comes for you, they always come for your identity. Yes, they do. And what does that do? That shakes your confidence. And what does confidence mean? And I break this all down like in the book. It means firm trust. It means firm trust, meaning I truly, honestly know. And how do? Because I love Acronyms. I'm going to give you all this too. I broke down the acronym for trust. Is that truth resonating under situations of trauma. Wow. How do I still know who I am when life is lifeing, when things aren't going the way that I expected it to? How do I have firm trust in who I am in this season? And oftentimes we're wearing a heavy duty coat in the summer, in our summer season. And so you've got to know which season you're in. And when you do that, you can begin to identify, okay, where am I right now? Anybody? Love those Facebook memories and they show you who you were like three, four, five years ago. You're like, oh, look, my hair was so cute or I was ten pounds lighter. Look at me. And so then you go back into that memory loop about who you were, and now you begin to rate and judge yourself on who you were, not the consciousness of who you are now. Wow. And now you're feeling like you don't fail. You don't belong. I didn't do everything that I said I was going to do. I didn't reach all these particular goals. But where are you now? And I think that we spend so much time in the shoulda woulda couldas that that is part of it. So what could you do? Stop living in shoulda woulda coulda and know shoulda woulda coulda is for innovation only. How do I take what I've been through and alchemize it and create something better? And with that is also knowing that when that imposter comes and that person is talking to erode at your confidence, whether it's internal or external, is that you question it. And then again, the written portion is great. Have a tablet and start writing down what you're successful at. Too often, if I say, what's wrong with you? You go start all the things, and. I say, Dr. Ashly, what do you love about yourself? You want me to answer now? Answer. I love the fact that I'm intelligent. I love the fact that I'm beautiful. I love the fact that I'm genuine and authentic and transparent and loving and nurturing and kind, mostly. That's the part I'm working on. And how did that make you feel, having to list what you love about yourself? Did it make you feel a little. It'S weird at first. Okay. It's weird at first, but if I said, okay, what do you want to change or fix about you? You can go into it, and you just kind of almost and you feel very comfortable in that place. Yeah. Why do we feel more comfortable with our shortcomings and with our brilliance? Right. Because we're taught to be humble. You said taught. Did I not start earlier and say programming? Yeah, they that's that programming piece. Why? Because if you say this, then you're boasting. If you say this, then you're arrogant, you're conceited. If you value yourself, and particularly women and women of color, the concept of shrinking so that you blend in so people don't attack you. So here's the thing and don't judge yourself on this. And people say, well, why did you that? I said, I made a decision until I could make another decision, and I had to give myself grace for that. So I didn't judge myself. Why did I do that? Why didn't I not fight for myself there? Why didn't I not do this? And so you go that battle with yourself, right, and again, you begin to say, well, I'm not confident, or I'm just a fake or I'm an imposter. No, you made a decision until you could make another decision. And I think about that and even having the conversation in regards to I've been married before, actually, I've been married twice, and I think about my last divorce. And it was so interesting in that conversation that we had at the end, and he was saying all these different things. He called me everything but a child of God, earth, girl, everything. But here's the truth in that moment, and that was the core part of me doing this work with more intentionality is that everything he spewed at me, I sank lower and lower and lower. And here's the part that I realized later. He was saying to me everything I've been saying to myself. So it resonated in my soul, because what you say to you is more powerful than anybody else. Until he said what he had to say, and when he said this. I came out of my coma, he said, and you are the dumbest woman I've ever met. Joke. Ding ding ding. Joke. But it's jumped me out of that. And I say that because the truth of you that resonates outside of your trauma will show up. So what is the truth of you? And so when he said that, I said, well, wait a minute, if that's a lie, and I know that's a lie, I've been brilliant since birth, then could everything else be a lie? And I made a conscious decision on that day. I'm going to change the language I use with myself and I'm going to course correct people on site when someone says, because I don't want to take any of those things in. And I am going to be more intentional about what I say because I have to have clarity about what's inside of me, because what's inside is what comes out. Wow, that's good, because it's way too easy to oh, they're just projecting, oh, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it takes something really extreme, like really crazy for you to be like, oh no, they're making that up because everything else is probably in relationships especially, they use everything that you've already given them back on you. I remember I was telling you earlier last year, the beginning of last year changed my life. And I've been really working diligently on myself ever since. I experienced a very traumatic situation involving relationship violence and other things. And we were in a road trip and so I'm trapped situation and no matter where we are, I want to get out the car. I want to get out the car. I'd rather be on the side of the road than continue to go through this. And every single thing for six to hours that was said to me was the weaknesses that I had shared with them. I'm not even going to get into the words or the things because they're all lies, but it's like, well, I was sad about that and I did think that and I did say that. But now you're just getting crazy. Now you're just taking it too far. But it's things I already said. So was he wrong? Not on my account. Because it came out of my mouth. Exactly. Yeah. And it resonated with you. Yeah. So that's why it hurt. So here's the next tool tip to move through that. You've got to forgive yourself for who you were at that moment because you're not that same person anymore. Absolutely not. And so often we're still again critiquing and judging ourselves on who we were instead of who we are right now. And I truly believe everything that I've been through has been compost for my growth. And you know what compost is. And I think that that's probably one of the critical things when we think about developing confidence. I was shocked by the number of men and women who struggle with confidence. Yeah. And I was like, really? And it'd be the people you least expect, least expected. And so they mask. And so when we think about terms like impostor syndrome, I said, Are we talking about masking? Because you had to, for your own safety, to feed your children, to keep a job, right. Did you have to be someone else in that circumstance of that situation? And now are you mad at yourself? Or did you get so busy playing a role that it was just far easier than being yourself? Or does things ever change? It could be a thousand different things. And that's why journaling is another thing, is to write it down. When the questions come up, write them down and take a pause break and then answer them. I had a man say to me, I said, oh, whenever I want to talk to myself, whenever I want to talk to someone brilliant, I talk to myself. And so he said to me, ha, well, as long as you don't start answering. And I had to do a correction at that point, and I said, Actually, I do answer. I said, we're so busy looking for external validation for the questions that we already know intrinsically, and that's part of our problem. And it was that little thing he said that made me realize that, because what they say, don't talk to yourself, right. It's kind of a joke. You could ask yourself questions, just don't talk back to yourself. Why not? Why do we have to go to somebody else to validate? Yeah. And everybody talking about self love, self love, self love. How are you going to love yourself if you don't talk to yourself? Whoo. I just put two and two together. The math is mathing. The math is mathing. And I think in those instances when we begin to build those bridges and having those conversations and the scary part is being quiet is really getting quiet. And that's hard. It is, it's really hard. And it's also when they're like, oh, well, I struggle and be out. I said, well, if you don't like being along with you, why do should I? That's good. That's good. Wow. That's why COVID messed so many people up. Yeah. And I sure had a lot of breakdowns in until I found myself in a quarantine relationship. And then MX plus B equals why the hell did I convenient. Yeah. It's like you can't be alone because you don't want to be alone. Why don't you want to be alone? And someone actually, I was with someone earlier this year, and I was working, working on everything for them, and he would force me, ash, what do you have to do for yourself today? I don't I have to do this, this and this for you and no, what do you need to do for Ashly today? And I'm just to I don't know, because I'm too busy doing things for you. Then you ask yourself why? Again, when did it become okay for me not to choose me first? And I don't think until the first selfish decision I ever made on a grand scale was moving to California, I was years old the first time I ever made a decision for me selfishly. And ever since then, I have been beating myself up for it because my family misses me and I'm missing out on this and should I even really be in La? And well, maybe I shouldn't have never came and all this stuff just because I took one step for myself for the first time at years old. But look at your family dynamics and the role that you've played. And so when you're stepping outside that role, we don't have to go in because I know back end stories. I'm just saying, like the role that you played is that that story and that narrative just goes on repeat until you break up the cycle. Why do I feel more comfortable doing projects and work for other people than finishing my own? I had to check myself on that because again, I was like, I'm exhausted, I'm tired and I won't finish something that I need for Deena. But yet someone else called me and I'm now up through the know, demon hours finishing it because I can't go to bed because promised. Yeah, well, where are the promises? To is like I just had this conversation maybe two, hours ago on the phone. Why can I not stop doing things for people? Why can I not stop? They're not my client. They're not paying me. They're not even sometimes even asking me to do it. I just can't stop. So we can do that because we're going to change the language. Yeah. We won't say, Why can't I stop? I will. Here's what I will do for me. So here's what I will do for me. And here's the guardrails around protecting that space for me. And when you find yourself, go ahead and pop yourself back on that. Get back over there, so you're going to have to do it for you. And you say, well, here's how I'm protecting space. And when you start to do that, I promise you it gets easier and easier. And I used to tell clients, start with again, one decision a week, two decisions a week. Because it's not something you just can throw up and start and stop like cold turkey. It actually is a learned pattern behavior. And it actually does bring you some joy. But when you write it down and you make a commitment and here's the other piece I tell people like, go stop wishing and start making a commitment because in the middle of the word, you all know I like some words in the word. Commitment is the word omit. And when you commit, you omit anything that stands in the way of you getting. To that objective. And so begin to commit. Don't sacrifice. We say words like sacrifice. That sounds painful. Yeah. And so neurologically. If I heard sacrifice, I'm going to cringe. I don't want to do it automatically. So even at a subconscious level, you're resisting because sacrifice means it's pain, it's punishment. Every single concept of the word sacrifice that I know it's in the history of Ever means you're going to have to be missing out on something. So change that to the word commit and see the energy that goes into that. I commit to making these constant decisions. Well, I'm a sacrifice. What I'm going to do do you see how two totally different things even try it out, and I challenge everyone. Try the language out, try the words out. My therapist told me that I'm scared of commitment, and I don't think that that applies on the grand scheme of things because I went to law school, I moved across the country, I started my own law firm. But committing to myself, she may be on the song. She is on the song, because I was going to agree with her. Yes, you do. Is that we have choices. Right. And people use the word choice and decision interchangeably. I don't is that choices are all the things and the options that you have. It's a choice until you make a decision, you don't really move. And the reason why people don't like to make decisions, because now when I make that decision, I now have to be accountable and responsible for the outcomes or the consequences that go with it. Right. But as long as I just sit in my sea of choices, I don't have to swim in my decision making. So I can stand there and say, I got all these choices and I could do this or that or it was me, because, yes, you could. You could have made a decision. Well, this would have happened, and you still had the power. So we actually disempower ourselves. And what I'm saying is to empower yourself. And exactly when I was listening to you, I did this, I did this, I did this. But everything that you named and did, law firm and the work that you do, it's all in the name of helping somebody else. Okay. Heard. Because I know you, because this is going to create this new opportunity. I'm going to be able to do this for this person. Yeah. It was never purely for these kids. For these artists, for this. It was never purely just about you. Yeah, we could peel that all the way back. I know the reason why I started it in the first place. So that's why I'm saying that commitment, I think she's onto something. And so when you have to commit, if you break it down to the core of the word, that omit, because what am I going to have to omit? You're going to have to say yes to yourself, which would mean and sound like a loud sonic boom of no's to a lot of people who've come to depend on you always saying yes. And that's when I say that's when no hurts. Yeah, because I've had a very hard time learning that word. I've had a very hard time learning the word. But did you ask yourself why? Because you had a lot of no's in your life. Here's the thing. It's because you had a lot of no's. And so you've made it your point to make sure that people who need it, that they get a yes, and you're going to be the yes they need in their life. But I'm telling you, you're the yes you need in your life. So start saying yes to you and making that commitment to say yes to yourself. And that comes with clarity, that confidence in who you are in this season and then being consistent about how you show up to yourself, what you're saying to yourself. How are you leading yourself because you're now charged to lead other people. Wow. Well, anyway, I know we just had to have the whole counseling session. No, I love it. I really appreciate it. And like I said, I've been waiting on this episode for a long time to learn from you and talk to you about these things because I think it's important in law school, in being a lawyer in the entertainment industry. I think those are three areas that I'm involved in. But that experience, this impostor syndrome situation, I think even more than some other places. And I thought that it was very important to touch on this in this show because I'm merging the intersections of entertainment and law and mental health. We all need to talk about this. We do. So I know we're going to read all of it in your book, but what are some things that we can do whenever we feel that I'm not good enough? Creeping in, like right then and there. Question the voice because it's going to happen. Question the voice and then ask them to prove it. Okay, prove it. Where's your receipts? Everybody talk about receipts. Give me the receipts. Okay. Simple enough. Simple enough. Because I got receipts. It's the hardest, easiest thing to do. But to also aid you in that, create an I love me book and sit down, schedule you. What gets scheduled, gets done. That's a really important thing. So schedule yourself and then spend , minutes, an hour of just listing all the amazing things and get in the habit of doing that once a month or once we cover your schedule. But schedule it sometime where you write down how proud you are of things that you've accomplished, of that yes. And so when you check in with yourself and say, ash, you did this. And people like, it doesn't have to be grand old things. If you say, you know what, you rested today. You took a nap, and you know that your body needed that, and I am so happy you chose you. At the Hollywood in My Mind mental health Summit, there was a young man there named Case Kenny, and he was giving out free journals for everybody, and of course, I grabbed one. He explained the difference between the two, and the one that I got was a day journal called New Mindset. Who this? And every day, it asks some of the same questions and then some new questions. And one of the questions every day is, name one thing that you're proud of about yourself. And that at first, it was kind of hard, but days in, I'm like, oh, I'm proud I made my bed today. Right? Because sometimes that takes work. That's part of the whole neuro concept. And we think about, I'm a neural nerd. So I'm going to give you three numbers, and I need you to hold on to these numbers. , , . This is the combination to unlock your mindset shift. So it takes days to create or break a habit. If you stop doing something, replace it with something you want to do. Don't just stop. Replace it with something you want to do. consecutive days. If you break a day, you start from scratch. It has to be every day, because what you're creating is new neural pathways. You're rewriting, you're rescripting your brain, literally. I mean, don't look it up. You're rescripting your brain. And now it takes consecutive days. That same from the first . Now you flip it into . Now it changes your behavior. Additional . No, add additional . That now makes you at days, consistent. You break a day. Start over. That's how you change your behavior. So first is the habit to start or stop. So if you look at cessation plans and all that, why are they days or days? They're using your brain. It's neuroscience. They'rewriting your brain. They'rewiring your brain. So and , the behavior, consecutive days to shift your mindset. So same thing. So like you said, and it could be journal. I'm going to get up and journal. days. I'm journaling. That's my new habit. What did I stop doing? I stopped oversleeping. My new one is to spend that ten minutes journaling, right? Okay. Now, days, I'm still continuing. I'm maybe going deeper and adding some more conversation. And then by the rd day, it's like normal. Like, oh, this is what I do. It feels weird. Like what? Things like hard work that's built on neuroscience. That's why they tell you hard, you break a day, you got to start over. It's not just because it's because they're using brain science to rewire your brain. So now that I've missed multiple days in my journal, what do I do? I can't start back. Yes, you can. Here's the thing. Yes, you can start a new journal. No, just keep just pick back up and continue and not set it like, I'm only going to be doing . You're doing it because it has a positive impact for you. And so give yourself grace is the other thing to do is to give yourself that grace and don't judge yourself to shut yourself down. Yeah, because that's very no, I can't do it. Yes, you can. Start again. Start again. And then give yourself credit for each day. Not that you're, oh, I got to wait to just get to . No, just give yourself credit for each day. I know that we're getting close to time, and I would like to keep you here forever, but what would you say? That was great. The . I am going to remember those, and I'm definitely going to apply it. What would you say would be the first step towards self confidence, towards finding that? Because you said, I think before we started recording, you said the exact opposite of impostor syndrome is audacious confidence. Absolutely. And that's part of that C three blueprint, like I talked about, clarity, confidence, and consistency. And even pulling the confidence is sitting in the middle of that. That clarity. Who are you right now, today? Ask yourself that question and then get quiet, and whether you write it down, process it, record it. Who are you right now? I've had people break down and cry. Yeah. When I ask that, I believe it got to get clear about that. That's step one. That's step one in this season. Not who you were and everything, all the tools, all the ingredients, all of your lived experiences, all the heartbreaks, all the love, all the excitement, all the celebrations, all the everything. Who are you? And then you write that down. What do you desire most? And then you compare that. So who are you right now, today? What do you desire most? What is a differentiator and now what are you willing to commit to to get that? Wow, that's good. And can I say, I really appreciate the fact that you are a visual speaker. Like, everything that you've given me has created an image in my head, a picture, a chart, some type of vision that I can no longer move forward without seeing in my head. So thank you. No welcome. Yay. Thank you. I'm a fan of the metaphor, baby girl. I'm about to watch this episode back to back. I got to figure it all out. But give yourself grace. Honestly, if you don't remember anything else that I said and you've listened to that, give yourself grace, and then understand that with that grace will come the grit to get through to your okay. Okay. Well, thank you so much, Dr. Deena C. Brown. It's been a pleasure. Everybody. The book is on the shelves. We can find it online, right? Absolutely. Unmasking the imposter within make sure you go ahead and grab the book again. You can find Dr. Deena on Instagram and all platforms. I believe the instagram is @DrDeenaSpeaks. And make sure you like comment subscribe everything that you want to know. Everything that you need to know. We'll come back to and check in with you. So @legalQueenLA on all platforms. And thank you for stopping by the Royalty Room. Thank you.