Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:03 Hey, everybody, it's Legal Queen LA, and we are back again with another episode full of fun, failure, fame, fortune, heartbreak, and all of the above. We have a very, very, very amazing, amazing, beautiful guest today. Her name is Miss Dawn Chamberlain.
Speaker 1 00:00:26 Hello, everybody. Raise your hand if you've ever experienced failure. Raise your hand if you've ever experienced failure. And look around the room. Look whose hands are raised. You're looking at people who have all survived failure. Give yourselves a hand. Give yourselves a hand. I too survive failure. That F of my chest stands for. Fierce stands for fierce because you know what? I have the confidence to be fierce through my failures. I survived and I thrive after my incarceration. Okay? I survived and I thrive after my incarceration. I used failure as a stepping stone. I didn't let it defeat me. I went from failure to fed life to now legit business life. Come on, come on now.
Speaker 1 00:01:33 And guess what else I did? I took failure and I leveraged it. I leveraged it. Yes, genius. Yes. Let me tell you something. Do you know there's 45% of Americans that have a side hustle? 45% of Americans have a side hustle. Do you know that freelancing, entrepreneurship and side hustles acculated 258 trillion? And that's because they only work eight to 20 hours a week. They're just given a little bit of it, right? So how I leverage failure is I take my experiences, my insight, my education, my skills, and I help other people. I help other entrepreneurs with the challenges they experience with business. So they don't make the same mistakes that I make. I coach, I teach, I train, I help.
Speaker 1 00:02:35 And it feels good. I help you go from a hustle mindset to a growth mindset. I help you get unstuck. I help you stop playing and get your sh together. Stop playing and get your shh together. I said it's 45% of American side hustling. That's a lot of people playing. That's a whole lot of people playing. How many people on here ever gave somebody a ride in a car and they gave you a couple dollars for gas? Raise your hand, gave you gas money, right? You running a side business, you got a transportation service, <laugh>, you running a transportation service, you just received cash payment. You're running a business. And guess what? You ain't reported to nobody. You ain't paid no taxes on that. You're not compliant. You could be going down the same road I went to. Just like that. So don't think it can't happen to you. It happens every day. 45% is a large number. Some people don't think that it applies to them, but you don't know what you don't know. So what I believe in is four Cs, business coaching, business compliant, help you with business credit, and then we're gonna help you business cash out. Okay? Three e's, elevate yourself, expand what you're doing, and make no more excuses. Stop playing and get your shh together. Okay? You with me?
Speaker 0 00:04:19 Well, that
Speaker 1 00:04:19 Stop playing and get your shit together. Yes.
Speaker 0 00:04:22 And that's, that's what we're doing today.
Speaker 1 00:04:25 Absolutely.
Speaker 0 00:04:25 Absolutely. So tell us a little bit about what we just watched and in this entrepreneurial mindset and past that you're on right now.
Speaker 1 00:04:34 So you just watched, uh, uh, a previous speaking engagement where I was sharing a little bit of my backstory and my personal journey with failure. I was, I am formerly incarcerated In 2013. I was indicted by the, uh, United States government, for fraud against the United States. I had a tax business that I was a CEO of, that I, uh, did some unethical things when while I was in practice, and I had to answer for that and pay for that. I went from having a successful business and everything that you could, you would think would make a person happy in life to, you know, completely falling on my face and failing and, and losing it all, and having to be sat down and, you know, answer for the mistakes that I made. I went through that, incarceration, which was two years, two months, two weeks and two days.
Speaker 1 00:05:26 Oh, wow. And yeah. And I, uh, in federal prison. And I came out and decided, you know, upon my exit that I wasn't gonna let failure be the failure of me. I decided I was going to have confidence and be fierce despite my failures, hold my chin up and push through, and also take my experiences and help other people. Because at the end of the day, a lot of the reasons that I made the poor choices that I made, and these are the things that I found out throughout my, you know, self-discovery journey, was that I, I really like to help people, right? I really like to help people and be a part of their process and growth. It was just that this particular time I, uh, took helping people way too far. Right? It was almost like an addiction. Even, uh, when you think about it, it was like I was addicted to, you know, helping others and that satisfaction and, and that euphoria that you get when you, you know, help someone achieve a goal.
Speaker 1 00:06:26 And I just went way overboard, way left, and I started doing things out of compliance, out of, you know, out of, out of practice. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And I had an answer for that, an answer for that. And it took me on a, a long journey. That winded up being well worth it, you know? So there I was again, sharing a little bit about my story and speaking, to an audience of people and letting them know that, again, you can't let your failures fail you. And that I'm here and available to help support, and encourage others to go from that hustle mindset to a growth mindset. You know? Speak abundantly, think abundantly and, and amen. Be that better person. You know what I mean? Like I said, going through something like that is, is really traumatic. But also beneficial because I discovered things about me that I didn't know, right? I discovered talents within myself that I wa hadn't identified with and wasn't taking advantage of. And I needed to go through that to be where I am now today. And now, uh, I enjoy being in this space and being able to be a vessel to be able to help make an impact and help, help, help make change. That's beautiful. Thank you. That's beautiful.
Speaker 0 00:07:40 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being here, first of all. I think I definitely can relate to that in, in this possible addiction to helping others. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. I think that that is often a blessing and a curse, because of course it's beautiful, you know, that's just who we are and how we are. And we have good hearts and we wanna just give, give, give, give, give. But then what does that leave us?
Speaker 1 00:08:06 Exactly. And these enjoy you drained <laugh>.
Speaker 0 00:08:10 Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:08:10 You know, it takes away from you and then, like I said, for me, it led me into like a bad space altogether cuz I put everybody in front of me and, you know, I was so addicted to helping them and seeing the rewards of that, that I didn't think of myself or my family even. And mm-hmm. <affirmative> dug myself into a ditch, if you will, that I couldn't get myself out of, and made some poor decisions, some poor decisions that I had to take accountability for.
Speaker 0 00:08:38 Absolutely.
Speaker 1 00:08:38 And I had to take accountability for that. So now it's just knowing the difference. First of all, I wanted to say no.
Speaker 0 00:08:45 And that's a hard thing to learn. That's
Speaker 1 00:08:47 A very
Speaker 0 00:08:47 Hard thing to learn. That's a hard thing to learn as a, uh, as a young lady,
Speaker 1 00:08:51 As a young lady, as an entrepreneur, as a mother, as a wife, <laugh>, all of the above. All of the above. Learning how to say no is a very, very challenging. And it's still a struggle every day. Like, it's like you ha it's a constant work at it. Learning how to say no, putting yourself first, loving yourself first. You know, setting boundaries. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>,, and, you know, doing,
Speaker 0 00:09:11 Ooh, that's good.
Speaker 1 00:09:12 And then doing the right thing when no one's looking.
Speaker 0 00:09:14 That's what integrity. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. That's exactly what integrity is. My very first boss, I will shout out Matt Le how till the day I die, my very first boss taught me integrity. He said, Uhuh, honey, not in here.
Speaker 1 00:09:26 Not in here.
Speaker 0 00:09:27 We gonna, we gonna learn what integrity is. And Demi Lovato, I got to see her at a, a mental health summit earlier, this summer. And she said, the first step to me getting better was creating boundaries. Mm. And, that's something I'm desperately, desperately trying to work on. And
Speaker 1 00:09:47 It's work, it's definitely working. I encourage you, to keep working at it. And it don't give up on it. It's something you have to work on every single day. And it hurts. It's a, it's a bumpy, painful road setting boundaries. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> sometimes, sometimes you can never imagine doing. But again, it's something that's well needed. And, it can be beneficial, more beneficial in the long run for yourself if you, if you get started on it and work on it every single day.
Speaker 0 00:10:14 I don't know why I, this thought just popped into my head and I think this is a little bit more personal than I I usually tend to, to get, but, it just, it's just here. So let's get it out. When I was in LA in 2020, when I first moved out here, like maybe six months after I moved out here, someone had stopped by my house to bring me a plate of food. And an hour later I was in the middle of being raped in my own home. And it was like, in that scenario when I realized kind of like, just as a young woman and moving to a different city that I'd never been to, and I didn't know too many people and, you know, getting this industry that I just stepped into and I'm just laying here and just crying and I'm saying no. And I'm saying no. And I'm saying no, and it doesn't fucking matter. And I'll never forget, he looked me straight in the face as like, I'm literally bawling my eyes out. He was like, stop crying. Or shut up, stop crying cuz I can't finish,
Speaker 1 00:11:29 Basically.
Speaker 0 00:11:32 And so it's like in, in situations and scenarios like that,'m, I'm planning to do another, another episode coming up in the next couple of months. Uh, essentially the consequences of saying no,
Speaker 0 00:11:45 Cause I feel like too often we think about the, the what could go wrong if we say no versus, you know, I'm saying no. And this is my boundary. It's just like, well, if I say no, I'm not gonna get this job. Or if I say no, it's just gonna happen anyway. You know? And I think that's a very like, tough thing to teach. It's a tough thing to learn. It's a tough thing to teach. And like I said, I don't know why this came, came to it is just, oh, thank here it, thank you for sharing for your transparency. This here. And I don't think I, yeah. I've spoke on this. Well,
Speaker 1 00:12:20 Congratulations. Thank you. And that's the first step. It's, I go accepting that, you know, denouncing that, you know, and and freeing yourself. Freeing yourself from that, getting it out. Thank you for sharing that transparency. And I'm sorry that you experienced that trauma and it's gonna be okay. It is. And, and, and the more you talk about it, the more you get it out and share, you can help yourself and someone else.
Speaker 0 00:12:42 Amen. Amen. By the grace of God.
Speaker 1 00:12:43 Yes. And I look forward to that episode. I do. I Yeah. Take a minute. Take a minute. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:12:49 This is gonna be good. Let me take a sip of water. Take a sip of water. Take a minute but while I gather myself Go ahead. Go ahead. What are you working on right now that you're most excited about? I know you have so many things going on.
Speaker 1 00:13:00 So, yeah. So many things going on. Um, so I have my new book coming out. Uh, my very first book, um, it's Cardle from sell to c e there, it's up there.
Speaker 0 00:13:11 Congratulations.
Speaker 1 00:13:13 Stop playing. Love
Speaker 0 00:13:13 Your, you look good.
Speaker 1 00:13:15 Thank you. Thank you. So you see, you got the sound.
Speaker 0 00:13:18 I'm too loud. You look good.
Speaker 1 00:13:20 You got the cell, um, the ceo and you see the handcuffs there. And it's the story of a little bit about me introducing me. And we're getting into the whole mindset of, um, you know, the hustle mentality shifting from the cell, which is not just a physical cell, but it's a mental cell. Lot of people are prison. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and prison in their mind, they're incarcerated in their own mind. Oh yeah. So we're, we're gonna have a conversation about it, we're gonna get down to it, we're talking about it. And it talks about, gives you steps and points on how to, uh, start getting into that new space. And I'm encouraging in my own way cuz I have a <laugh>, I have a unique way of coaching, very direct and very upfront. I'm kind of a no-nonsense, no excuse person. So you'll see, and you'll learn that and my personality in that book. And then we get into, um, some steps, some gems on really how you can stop playing and get your sh together and get started on your business. Whether you're already in business or looking to get started. We're going over the steps and the tools that you need and giving some gems in that. And it's a, and it's a first of a series, um, coming out. Some I'm super excited about that I've
Speaker 0 00:14:23 Been working on.
Speaker 1 00:14:24 I'm so excited that Thank you. And we're working on that. Um, we also have the, um, group coaching program that's launching. Um, it's, uh, no Hustle University. Okay. Um, is the name of the, um, program. And you'll be able to come through my program as an entrepreneur and, um, again, get compliant, get your things in order and get your sh together. Um, I particularly, um, like to focus on second chance entrepreneurship. Um, essentially I, I am formerly incarcerated, so I like to focus on those that have been impacted by the justice system. Right. Working with them, helping them to make sure that they can move forward and have a, a real legitimate second chance at entrepreneurship. Yeah. Um, we have a lot of, uh, workforce programs that are out here and a lot of other, um, social service programs that help support you in reentry and support. But there's, uh, very few for entrepreneurship.
Speaker 0 00:15:16 Yeah, I was gonna say it's kind of just like funnel you into a pipeline of the blue collar and, um, different jobs like that. I think that's, that's beautiful.
Speaker 1 00:15:26 Yes. And you're right. Go to the blue collar and a lot of the US that have been formerly incarcerated are bosses, CEOs. Right. Entrepreneurs and heart,
Speaker 0 00:15:34 Because it's honestly, it's, it's the most creative people mm-hmm. <affirmative> that end up incarcerated because they try, they figured something else out or thought of something else that other people didn't or they tried to, you know, do, do things differently. And it's all a creative process. It's all
Speaker 1 00:15:50 A
Speaker 0 00:15:50 Creative process. And while you're, while you're in prison, I'm sure you have to be really creative Yep. With how you're living. So I feel like that only makes sense. Yeah. And there's not anything really like that out there. So that's not a lot
Speaker 1 00:16:01 Out there. That's dope. There wasn't a lot of options when I came out, found out, out the hard way. And I'm still finding out the hard way cuz even this will be my seventh year outta senior year. Seventh for me,
Speaker 0 00:16:10 Seven to seven. Yes.
Speaker 1 00:16:11 Seven. This happened. I'm still, um, finding barriers and obstacles that I come across as an entrepreneur in this space just because of my history. So I am dedicated to helping those that I said that have been impacted, that are serious about, you know, turning over Right. And leave and really, really being successful in making sure that they have the things that they need and the support networks that they need and the systems in place so that they can be successful and have a profitable, legitimate business. Yeah. Legit is important. We're not looking back, we're not going back. We're looking at the camera now. We're gonna stop playing and get our shh together. There's this camera. Stop playing and get our shh together. Um, a lot of us, um, because of the environments we're in, um, and the mindset that we've been conditioned to, ugh. Um, we don't know any better.
Speaker 1 00:16:54 Right. But when you know better, you can do better. And we definitely don't have the help and the resources and nobody's sharing. Yeah. Nobody wants to help. Guess what? I'm, I'm giving up the sauce, I'm giving up the recipe. Enough of that, you know, I wanna make an impact. You really have to help and teach people. So I'm, I'm here to give the sauce so you can come through my coaching program, the Hustle University and, and get all the tools and support that you need to, to, to chase your dreams and, and catch 'em. And catch 'em. I guess that's the, we have the book projects, um, we have the coaching program coming out. We're doing a book tour. I am speaking and I'm sharing my story and my gift on other platforms. I have the, um, youth programs that I've been doing for some time now. I'm with the nonprofit. This is
Speaker 0 00:17:33 Right up my alley.
Speaker 1 00:17:34 Yes. We do behavior modification through performing arts. So we work with you with the trauma
Speaker 0 00:17:38 That's powerful.
Speaker 1 00:17:39 Um, program is called the Art of Expression. Um, and we use the arts as a tool, again to help them process through trauma and to help, um, with their social emotional learning and development as well. That's beautiful. Um, we're in the charter schools and we're expanding those programs as well. So those, some of the things that we're working on now in the next couple months. Um, so I'm looking forward to that and I'm excited about that. Oh, I can't wait to see another thing. So I, um, I founded, um, I'm a Chief Visionary office for I am FE and Friendly Foundation. Um, so that is a foundation specifically set up to be a philanthropy vehicle for second chance entrepreneurship. So when I spoke about focusing on those that have been justice impacted and getting them compliant so they can have businesses, now we need a way to raise the money.
Speaker 0 00:18:19 Right. So
Speaker 1 00:18:20 The, the fellow friendly foundation, which we are looking for volunteers, board members, donations, we're, we're just getting off the ground. We are looking, we need help. It's gonna be just that we're going to just raise money, put it into the program, give it to those that are in need, and then help them get rolling. And then when they come back around to come see me now I'm gonna talk heavy. I'm, I'm talking, you know, <laugh>, when I come see me, they gonna bring it back and pay it forward and push it back out so that somebody else can be blessed as well. So we got the FE friendly foundation. I'm excited about that too. So Yeah. Yeah. That's, uh, that's some things we got going on <laugh>.
Speaker 0 00:18:56 Just, just, you know,
Speaker 1 00:18:58 Few things just saying, oh wait, I'm working on a television series. Okay. I'm sorry. I left that out with onstage plus network and that's called stop planning. Get your sh together. It's all, um, you know, in line with the, um, right. With with the message and what's going on. So we are filming those episodes now and that'll be out soon too
Speaker 0 00:19:14 As well. Okay. What, um, city, is it just gonna be a citywide, um, foundation for, um, the foundation that you're starting? Or is it gonna be, where, where are we based? Everywhere. It's gonna be all over,
Speaker 1 00:19:26 Wherever you're based at. Yeah. We're, we're nonprofit. We're incorporated outta Delaware, but it's for everywhere. I'm manifesting, that's why I'm asking for help. Um, because um, you know, God gave me the gift of the visionary, but I don't have all the skills. I've never run a foundation
Speaker 0 00:19:39 Before. All the pieces. Right.
Speaker 1 00:19:40 But he gave it to me. He said, this is what you're gonna do and this is what you're gonna start. He actually gave it to me while I was incarcerated. Wow. I had it in my little black notebook and, you know, several months back I kept, something was
Speaker 0 00:19:50 Ticking at me, that little black book
Speaker 1 00:19:52 And he said, it's something I told you to do, it's something that I'm is required of you that you haven't acted on. And I'm like, Hmm. And I'm looking through it and I'm like, the foundation stuff went and got everything set up and got everything registered and I've just been manifesting and speaking life into it and talking to people and recruiting, you know, team members so that we can get it moving. So I, I definitely am looking for help team members, legal, political law enforcement, community members, formerly incarcerated, education professionals, healthcare professionals to be a part of this movement. Cause I want it to be a national campaign. It will be. It is going to be cuz it's a national problem. Absolute. It's a public health problem.
Speaker 0 00:20:25 Absolutely. It's everybody's problem. Absolutely. It's a crisis
Speaker 1 00:20:27 Actually. It's a crisis. It's needed.
Speaker 0 00:20:29 And where and where would you like, um, anybody who's interested, anybody who wants more information should they reach out on,
Speaker 1 00:20:34 They can reach out. Um, so my website is, uh, coach Dawn Michelle.com, but you can find me on social media platforms at Coach Dawn Michelle. I'm on Instagram, TikTok, LinkedIn, Facebook. And I am felon friendly. Also has its own page. So I am fe friendly. You can find us there as well. Love. So, yep. That's we
Speaker 0 00:20:53 Going on. Yes. The, um, the youth program that you mentioned, that reminds me a lot of, um, what Miss Layla Steinberg did with Tupac in his vision on helping kids, um, through the performing arts. Yes. She has a, a similar foundation, I believe it's called Aim for the Heart. Oh wow. Foundation. Um, and she focuses on, you know, getting everybody the tools and the resources and the outlets. Um,
Speaker 1 00:21:21 Absolutely.
Speaker 0 00:21:22 Because even it, you could have all the tools and the resources at your house, but where are you, where are you able to get it out at? Where are you able to get it out at? You know, you need the space, um, you need the platform. Exactly. Things like that. So I think that's
Speaker 1 00:21:33 Really cool. And do you know that, um, started that program while I was incarcerated.
Speaker 0 00:21:37 Wow.
Speaker 1 00:21:38 Um, going through incarceration is very traumatic. It's life changing. I can imagine. I figured that was the, the lowest point in my life, if you will. And, um, learning how to cope with that and process that and deal with that is also challenging. Um, so for me, helping me, um, get through that trauma was, um, the language of, of art. Wow. Of music, of performing, of spoken word, of writing, you know, and, and then getting up on that stage and, and giving to others and pouring out in, in those ways. So, you know, we started that program myself and some other of my prison sisters all got together and we, we worked on it. We were able to get classroom space and, and sit down with our ladies and, and, and come up with projects and have discussions and on processing our emotions and dealing with that. And then also put into these projects and the result of it so nice was beautiful. Yeah. I mean, you're in an environment where everybody is sad. There's a lot of depression, there's a lot of anger. And
Speaker 0 00:22:31 See, pain makes passion. Love it.
Speaker 1 00:22:32 Yes. And you see this to see happiness, joy, and love from people from writing a poem. Right. Or putting on a play.
Speaker 0 00:22:39 That's that's what I was just, I was just saying, um, on another episode, it's just like when I made a song for the first time, it was my song. Like that feeling. It's just such a good feeling. One, it's the release two, it's the creativity of it, it's the process. Um, but it, it again, that outlet, like, um, I've always been told like through therapy and stuff, a lot of my homework has always been, you know, write a letter to so-and-so that passed away, or write a letter to who you're mad at and forgive them and don't give it to them, et cetera. Um, so even that, I I just love to write first of
Speaker 1 00:23:19 All. Yes,
Speaker 0 00:23:19 Yes. But to get it out, even if you don't do anything with it, um, it's kind of powerful. Like, like what we just discussed.
Speaker 1 00:23:27 It's very, very powerful. And like
Speaker 0 00:23:28 You just said full circle, when you just,
Speaker 1 00:23:29 Like I said, you made that testimony and you had that release and it felt good.
Speaker 0 00:23:33 Yeah. Yeah. I do. And um, speaking of your necklace is so beautiful. Thank
Speaker 1 00:23:39 You.
Speaker 0 00:23:40 Thank you. So beautiful. Can we talk about it a little bit?
Speaker 1 00:23:42 Yes, absolutely. So this necklace that you see around my neck, there's a picture of a beautiful young person. Can you guys see closely?
Speaker 0 00:23:48 Very handsome
Speaker 1 00:23:49 If you can see it. And this young person is, uh, my son's name is Bryson. And Bryson transitioned on, uh, November 13th, 2022. Yeah, that's
Speaker 0 00:24:00 My
Speaker 1 00:24:00 Mother's birthday. Is it? Yeah. So I lost
Speaker 0 00:24:02 Bryon. Did I just thought about my mother while, are you
Speaker 1 00:24:04 Talking? Did you Yeah. Say she came to you. So Bryson was in a, a single vehicle car accident coming back from seeing some friends in the morning time. Uh, the most I got from the police report and the witnesses was that I know he was driving, um, at an unknown speed. Uh, his car kind of shifted off the road, no braking and just impacted a tree. So we really don't know what happened other than I think he fell asleep. Yeah. Um, he had been out celebrating with his friends at school. He went to Dell State University and um, you know, common sense tells me that he didn't have any sleep. Yeah. And it had been something that I had been fussing at him about, you know, making sure you're getting your rest, uh, making sure you're not drinking or, you know, smoking marijuana and doing those things.
Speaker 1 00:24:46 And I think, you know, all of those factors played a part in what happened. Yeah. And um, now he's an angel. Um, so that's another mission that I'm on. I'm also, um, a board member of the morning mothers of hip hop as well. Um, so I'm um, you know, getting actively involved in, um, helping people work through grief and being a part of that process as well, cuz it's important. Um, and also educating our young people on driving safety. Yeah. Uh, DUIs, understanding what those are and even sleep. Cause people don't think that sleep is an issue when it comes to driving.
Speaker 0 00:25:19 And it is. That's so true. And I didn't, I never thought about it until, um, I grew up in Florida mostly. And there was always these signs on the highway, um, that said, sleepy driving is drunk driving. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, cuz it's al it's almost the same, same situation. Exactly. And um, when I, when I first ever went to therapy, well actually when I went back to therapy in law school, they, she told me, she was like, you have grief on top of grief, on top of grief, on top of grief. And you never unpacked the first grief down here. Mm-hmm. So what do you expect to happen when you're all the way on number? Mm-hmm. You know, whatever. And, um, it's a very hard thing to do and it's different from everyone, for everyone. And it's, it's unfortunate in my hometown, um, we've lost a lot of, like my ex, my sisters ex, my godbrother, uh, one of our friends and cars are just so dangerous.
Speaker 0 00:26:16 They are. It's just a responsibility that people really don't think about often. Um, and I don't think I thought about it either until all of those things happen. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, and even a former boss, we were going somewhere and I offered to drive and wherever we went, I had one drink. This is back when I, I was drinking and I had one drink, and then we were driving to the next place and he was like, why did you drive? Like why did you get in the car with me? First of all. Right. Right. But he was like, no, like seriously for the rest of forever. I don't care if you have to use the company card. I don't care if you have to do whatever, do not drive. I don't care if it's one do drop that you're drinking. And, you know, I don't drink anymore, so I don't have that specific problem. But either way, like, um, after a night out or whatever, it's 3, 4, 5 in the morning. It is hard to really, it's really hard to drive when you're tired,
Speaker 1 00:27:12 Driving tired, you know, you shouldn't smoking weed. You know, all the things that a lot of people do and they don't think about and they just, you know, do it. And it's real. And it causes real situations to occur and people's lives are lost, you know? Yeah. Prime example. So, you know, like I said, I'm out here. I'm, I'm on a healing journey as well. So let me add, thank you for busting my life and being part of my healing journey.
Speaker 0 00:27:38 Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 1 00:27:39 Yes. It's hard to get up every day and, uh, push through, uh, carrying this amount of grief and this amount of pain. Um, but,
Speaker 0 00:27:48 But something you definitely like wouldn't wish on a soul. Your worst
Speaker 1 00:27:52 Enemy. I wouldn't, my soul, my worst enemy. Um, but I decided early on, within minutes of, of getting the news that my son was no longer here to choose life, choose life, um, living in fierceness every day, choose life and push through. Um, again, I knew, you know, death is final and why let something that I can control control me,
Speaker 0 00:28:20 Wows. You understand what I'm
Speaker 1 00:28:21 Saying? That's goods good. Why? That's something that I can't control. Control me. No matter how much crying, screaming, kicking, punching windows out, you know, whatever, eating sweets and you know, whatever, you know, the actions that take place as a result of grief and trauma look like, you know, the end result is gonna be the same. Yeah. You can't change it.
Speaker 0 00:28:41 That is exactly. Actually, um, I have a, a daily bible book that I read once, a once a day. Um, and it has the dates. My mom actually left it at my house a couple of years ago and I just found it and I, I found it right around New Year's. I started January 1st and just the other day it was like worrying without giving it to God and letting it go is completely useless. Mm. You worried that you're five foot nine and you wanna be six foot one, guess what? You gonna wake up in the morning and you're still five nine. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So what did that do for you?
Speaker 1 00:29:17 Did absolutely nothing. You know, did absolutely nothing. So again, like yeah, like you said, um, just not letting what you can't control control you and getting up and pushing through their darkness. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:29:28 Pushing through. True. I really like that. Choose life. Choose life. I think, um, I was telling, I was telling someone recently also like, if you wanna do something and it feels good to you, like it feels good and you want to do it, do it. Cuz when's the next time that you are going to be able to get to do this thing or feel this feeling? You may never, never, you know, so you have to, you have to take those opportunities when they're presented to you, to you take
Speaker 1 00:29:52 It when they're presented and you never know when your last day is gonna be. Exactly. The, if I didn't learn anything from losing my son, I know that now,
Speaker 0 00:29:59 Or anyone's last day. Like people, people are just so mean to everybody. Like, people are just so mean and hateful and, and evil and just rude and in a rush. And it's just like, don't caring.
Speaker 1 00:30:11 They don't show caring at all. And we need to show caring to each other. It's, and
Speaker 0 00:30:15 Ourselves, it's tiring. It's ting it, it's like you have, you know, hometown stuff. You have internet stuff, you have, peer to peer, you have work stuff and it's just all, it's hard to find good a lot of the times. It is. So,
Speaker 1 00:30:32 It is.
Speaker 0 00:30:33 What do you, what do you think, if you could give advice to someone, similar to you or someone who was in your position before, what would be your biggest piece of advice outside of choosing life? Because I do love that
Speaker 1 00:30:48 Choosing life. So outside of choosing life, so in a position of where they've suffered extreme loss mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you have to take it one literally one minute at a time. You have to take it one minute at a time. And you have to, you have to pray. And it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to not be okay.
Speaker 0 00:31:10 That's
Speaker 1 00:31:11 Big. And, I write, I journal, I video journal even. Oh.
Speaker 0 00:31:17 Which is the funniest thing ever. I did that for the first time the other day.
Speaker 1 00:31:22 It's, it's really effective.
Speaker 0 00:31:23 I'm not gonna watch it, but it's in there.
Speaker 1 00:31:25 But so what if you go back and watch it that same when you're journaling and you're logging in a written journal and you see where you were that day and you kind of, you can see the time of day, what was going on, you know, compared the variables that took place to kind of try to help regulate your emotions and how to, you know, you know, work through those things. It's really interesting, you know, at 6:00 AM you might have been in, you know, an emotional wreck, angry, and then two hours later you go back and look and you're like, Hmm. And then you're learning and you're learning how to process and cope and kind of deal with those things. So again, the only way to deal and manage through death is through life.
Speaker 0 00:32:02 Wow.
Speaker 1 00:32:03 Is through life. And that's why I say choose life. Sitting around sulking, letting the spirit of grief consume you and depression take you under. Not that you have control over some people's, uh, level of control. They don't have those tools necessary to do it. So I'm not taking away from anybody that may struggle with those things. I'm just saying to encourage you to help further develop those tools so that you can manage through those things. But the best way to deal with and process death is through life. Be around those you love. Do things that you like. Be in those spaces and let, let love and life fill you and get you through it one minute at a time.
Speaker 0 00:32:44 Love and life.
Speaker 1 00:32:45 And take breaks if you
Speaker 0 00:32:46 Need to. Yeah. That's, that's what I say all the time. Like, people ask me like, oh, you're not drunk. Oh, you're not, you're not on on this, you're not on that. No, I'm sober. I'm lit off Love and life. Life love. I am just, I'm, I'm this lit all the time. Okay. You feel me, <laugh>. But it's, it is true. I feel like if, if there's love around me or that's why I love the dance community. Yes. My, my little sister is a, is a, a professional choreographer dancer. And so like, being around the dance community or being around, like, we went to the b e t awards together. Yes. Had a great time. Okay. Yes. Catch us on b e t because we were both, yes, we were on the db. But I think like, being around like that energy where everybody's dancing and everybody's, you know, like that is my favorite type of energy because like, you almost can't be in a bad mood.
Speaker 0 00:33:37 You can't, you know, and like going to her shows, say it'll be at a club or an event space, whatever it is. Yeah. There's performances on stage, but you look out into the crowd and everyone's dancing, everyone's giggling and laughing and have a good, a good time. And it's just like, you, you can't be in here mad if you're in here mad, you're gonna wanna leave, you gotta leave or you just gonna get happy. <laugh>. It's one or the other. One or the other. If you really not feeling it. Yeah. You gotta go. You're ruining our vibe now. Yes,
Speaker 1 00:34:06 Yes, yes, yes. Absolutely. Yes.
Speaker 0 00:34:09 I love it. I love it. I do too. Yes. And you mentioned a little bit earlier about, uh, self-love being Yes. Being important. Yes. What would you, uh, say is the best way to kind of start that journey?
Speaker 1 00:34:26 Well, you know, I've had a rough journey with self-love since you brought it up. I'll share a little bit. I've been through a lot, you know, pull up a chair, everybody. <laugh> <laugh>.
Speaker 1 00:34:35 Uh, speaking of self-love, I struggled with self-love for a long time. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, loving who I was, inside out physically. I went through a lot of extreme measures to make myself this perfect person. Uh, underwent a lot of cosmetic surgeries and procedures, to the point where I was one of those women that was laid across a, a bed in a hotel room getting illegal silicone injections placed in me so that I could have this I ideal shape so that I would look good. So that I would love myself more. Right. That led me to having some really bad health problems. Asia syndrome is what they call it. And also it messed me up mentally and emotionally too. Wow. So mental health wise, I still wasn't happy. I mean, I had that instant gratification for that short amount of time, but then here come the other problems and it, when you look up, it wasn't worth it. Now I'm having more problems because of those problems.
Speaker 0 00:35:31 That could be another addiction. The instant gratification. Yep.
Speaker 1 00:35:34 Yep. Wow. It is, it is. Absolutely. Absolutely. So I, underwent removal procedures. I had to get reconstructed and do those things. Um, and still in therapy now. Um, and, um, it's a lot. Um, so for me, self-love, it's not, it's not in a surgery room. It's not in the surgery room, it's all internal. Wow. It's all internal. It's all mind over matter. It's all, it's all it's all in here.
Speaker 0 00:36:04 There's a lot in there.
Speaker 1 00:36:06 Yes. Absolutely. So, you know, you have to um, you have to find that within and you ain't getting it from a person either. So anybody out here on these looking for love and these toxic relationships. Right. Looking for love with food, looking for love with money, looking for love with drugs and alcohol. You ain't finding it. You ain't finding it. Stop playing.
Speaker 0 00:36:26 Self-medicating
Speaker 1 00:36:28 Together. Yep. Cuz you ain't gonna find it there. You, it starts with you. It starts with you. And I'm a firm believer in, you know, self-accountability. Self accountability. Hold that mirror up. Yep. Hold that mirror up. Be honest with yourself.
Speaker 0 00:36:42 Those, those things. I think that's a very big problem. Like mm-hmm. <affirmative> with my generation especially, like, nobody holds themselves accountable for anything. Anything, anything. And the moment that anything's even brought up, or the moment that anything is even remotely addressed, it's defense attack. Um, or, or ignoring or just, just don't want to deal with it. Don't wanna deal with it. How are you supposed to grow? You
Speaker 1 00:37:12 Can't,
Speaker 0 00:37:13 Isn't the the first step to recovery acceptance.
Speaker 1 00:37:16 Accepting. Think about it. So if you don't love yourself because you have a belly or because you know you
Speaker 0 00:37:23 Or cause my man left
Speaker 1 00:37:24 Me. Am I mad? I be okay. You make all these excuses and they're self-loathing sometimes and doing things, instead of really sitting back and looking at the situation, hold yourself up in the mirror and say, you know, why is this happening? Or what could I do differently to prevent this from happening? And what can I do to to to get myself from out of the situation to grow into a different space. If you don't like your body, you can exercise, you can stop eating. If you think you did bad on a test and you're not good academically, then you can read more, more and study more. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, get a tutor. You know what I'm saying? If you feel like you're in a a dead end job, you can find another one. Or Right. Figure out what you need to do to get the training, the skillset that you need to, that you can shift if you're in a bad relationship or have a continuous pattern of bad relationships.
Speaker 1 00:38:07 You need to look at yourself and figure out why you're doing that and why are you seeking out these toxic things and then change it. Yeah. Own your power. Take your power back. You understand. Stop playing and get your shit together. No excuses. Look at yourself. Self-accountability that'll help lead you to self, help you get you through those issues with self-love. Because it's, at the end of the day, it's you, you're responsible for you in every situation, every way and every day. That's just the way I feel. You know what I mean? It's like sometimes unfortunate things happen, like the trauma that you experience and stuff like that and that are out of our control. And a lot of people have gone through different things, but at the end of the day, I say 85% of things are controlled by you. Right. That they have to deal with you and, and you create the problems. You can control the problems and you can change those problems. But you have to take self-accountability. You gotta stop playing again and get your shh together.
Speaker 0 00:39:01 Honey girl in
Speaker 1 00:39:02 Every
Speaker 0 00:39:02 Girl I need. Yes. <laugh>. I need it. Yeah, I'm ready. When does this book come out? So I think I forgot to ask. So
Speaker 1 00:39:09 The book will be out. What's we today, today, June. Are we in
Speaker 0 00:39:12 Jail? We are, yeah.
Speaker 1 00:39:14 Is it you
Speaker 0 00:39:15 We're out July? I was gonna say yeah, the
Speaker 1 00:39:18 First week of July. Oh, the first week of July is coming up. Yep. It's ready to go. I was going back and forth about the cover. I couldn't decide and I wanted to make sure that Bryson, you see my baby. Um, but oh
Speaker 0 00:39:28 Yeah, you can see it very clear. Clears
Speaker 1 00:39:30 Part of everything in my journey now. So I wanted to make sure he was on there and he represented that. Good. Cause it's a part of my heart. So we finally, you know, made a decision about the color and the covers cuz Bryson's favorite color is red. So, it's coming out, uh, next week. That's next week.
Speaker 0 00:39:44 Next week. Love that. So July July, 2023. July
Speaker 1 00:39:48 23. The book will
Speaker 0 00:39:49 Be out. We're gonna be on on Where can we get
Speaker 1 00:39:51 Amazon? Amazon, Barnes and Noble. I'm gonna be on my website. I'll be promoted on social media. I I'm getting tour dates lined up now to go on tour and you know, go around and, you know, promote the book and talk about the book and also doing speaking engagements and things and such. I'm so excited for you. Thank you. I'm
Speaker 0 00:40:07 So excited for you. I can't wait to get the book.
Speaker 1 00:40:09 Yes. I can't
Speaker 0 00:40:09 Need to get my read.
Speaker 1 00:40:11 You need to get your shit together and it, it really is a good read for those who read., it's a good read. It's a good read for
Speaker 0 00:40:17 The book will be about 25. For those read
Speaker 1 00:40:19 It'll be about $25. I also have some, uh,
Speaker 0 00:40:21 Please, everybody Yes. For
Speaker 1 00:40:24 The book. It's entertaining and it's not boring. And I made it so that the language is, is, is is crossover. It's not too, too much of a difficult read and it's not too under where someone who's a higher education or literacy level would be like, this is No, it's, it's, I think I did a really good job cuz I'm an overthinker <laugh> of, of making sure that there's balance cuz I'm a Libra. Okay. There's the balance. So I think they'll
Speaker 0 00:40:46 Enjoy
Speaker 1 00:40:46 It. And then there's also some follow up books that I have to contribute to that, that you can get some bundles to go along with that, that help you, like I said, uh, giving you the steps. I'm giving up the sauce,
Speaker 0 00:40:56 I'm giving up, I need the recipe,
Speaker 1 00:40:58 I'm giving up the sauce. I'm not playing no games. I'm gonna said it's time to get out here and just help one another. Make an impact. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, cultivate, educate and share. And, and, and the only way to do that is to actually do it. So yeah, you gotta, like they said, reach one, teach one. I'm really, I'm really, I'm really about that. So I'm going, we're going work on your mindset. We're gonna do some self-checking and then we're gonna give you the steps and things that you need to take action as well. And then I'm also hearing and available for support if you want private coaching or coming
Speaker 0 00:41:26 To the training. Girl. I And a hug.
Speaker 1 00:41:27 Yes. Give you a hug too. Yes. Yes.
Speaker 0 00:41:31 Thank you so much for coming. You, thank you for having me. And mind you, everybody, this week <laugh> is the first time we met in person. Yes. Yes. This is the first time we met in person a couple of days ago. And I think you have been probably one of my favorite humans. Oh, thank
Speaker 1 00:41:48 You
Speaker 0 00:41:48 So much that I've come across. Thank you. In this crazy world.
Speaker 1 00:41:51 Thank you. Yeah. We've been social media buddies, Texan.
Speaker 0 00:41:55 And that's my girl
Speaker 1 00:41:57 <laugh> and her energy. I feel like you've been here before.
Speaker 0 00:42:00 You
Speaker 1 00:42:00 Know, I feel like you've been here
Speaker 0 00:42:01 Before. I've lived a couple of lives.
Speaker 1 00:42:03 Yes. And I commend you. I'm super proud of you. Like I told you, thank I'm gonna share with the world I taught you. Go girl. I'm so proud of you and you keep doing what you're doing and pushing forward and spreading your love and planting your seed and others. Cuz it's really important what you've done and what you've accomplished. Like I told you on the phone, we didn't have all these opportunities per se. And, and Right. You have 'em and you took advantage of that and you're leveraging it now and it's really important what you're doing. And I'm super, super proud of you. I really, really am. Yes. <laugh> Rashad. And by the way, wait a minute. I, I have to let you guys know, I support all businesses and small businesses and minority businesses. This piece that I have on is the Sha by Rashad. He is
Speaker 0 00:42:43 A Celebr. Yes. Rashad.
Speaker 1 00:42:46 He is available. He's on, social media platforms under the prom bully, deShar, barber Rashad. He's done a lot of shows and stuff, but I'm wearing his pieces. And this is here. My hair, my, my, my hair is by my stylist. He chose it. His name is,his, he goes by y Cannon on social media, but he's Lance. So, okay. He helped pick out this look for me.
Speaker 0 00:43:06 And I, I love this. I picked
Speaker 1 00:43:08 It up here. I went to a place here and picked it up. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. It was a store here. And he helped coach me through it. He's like, this is the look, this is your look. But he helps you
Speaker 0 00:43:16 With all right here in
Speaker 1 00:43:16 Looks. So don't be fooled. You know, this fineness is, I have a team, I have a team. Everybody.
Speaker 0 00:43:21 It does take a team. It always takes a team. Takes a team.
Speaker 1 00:43:23 But yeah, this look is by shore. I support minority businesses. So hit me up. You know, if you're out here, you know, doing your thing and rep representation, I will support what you're doing and buy your books. Show up at your events, purchase your clothing. Wear your clothing. Get my hair done. Cuz that's what it's all about. Absolutely. That's what it's all about. So, you know, and do the same. Do
Speaker 0 00:43:43 The same. And giving people their flowers when they're do,
Speaker 1 00:43:46 Giving their flowers
Speaker 0 00:43:46 When they're, you are amazing. Thank you. You are so strong and resilient for even being able to speak on, the things that have happened, especially rest in peace here. Your beautiful baby. Thank you. Thank you being so recent, like I, I definitely commend you. Thank you for being able to share your vulnerability. Thank you. With the world. Thank you. So thank you so much for joining us today. You're welcome.
Speaker 1 00:44:10 I'm happy. And your pink lipstick. Oh my gosh, I just can't sit. I take it. It's popping. It's
Speaker 0 00:44:15 Listen. don't make, start rapping Lil Mama right now because let's talk about it. What's this
Speaker 1 00:44:21 Lipstick about? What's this
Speaker 0 00:44:22 About? I need, I need a, a lip gloss sponsor. I prefer this. The best lip gloss I've ever had. Melani and it is, uh, CVS Walmart. Yes. Or Walgreens. This is the only lip gloss I wear because it's the only one that makes my lips
Speaker 1 00:44:36 Listen. You have the color and you have the gloss and it's not too much and it is just, it's just, it's just right for you and it matches
Speaker 0 00:44:42 Your complexion. So thank
Speaker 1 00:44:43 You. Thank you. It looks really good. It's beautiful. I appreciate you. Your nails too. You like my nails?
Speaker 0 00:44:48 Yes,
Speaker 1 00:44:49 My nails. So now I get, this is Duke, that's Bryson's nickname Duke. So anytime I get my nails done, I make sure, uh, I get dude on there, but I'm eccentric. Oh. I like wild stuff. And I'm not a drink or a drug user either, so I'm wild. Like you just sober queen, sober queen. Right. Sober queen. But I like eccentric and exciting stuff cuz choose life. So anything that brings life and light and it feels exciting. I'm with it. I'm for it. I love that. I'm here for it. I love
Speaker 0 00:45:12 That. Well, yes, I am, I'm, I love this episode. I hope you all love it as much as I did. This is the Royalty Room. Yes. At Legal Queen la at Miss Coach Dawn Michelle joining us today. Make sure you like, subscribe, share, and let us know in the comments what we're missing and what you want to hear from next. So
Speaker 1 00:45:34 Yes ma'am.
Speaker 0 00:45:35 See you guys next time.
Speaker 1 00:45:36 Everybody at Coach Dawn. Michelle, stop playing and get your together. Yes.
